back to darkness... [07 Apr 2004|07:57pm] [ mood | depressed ] wow, i haven't written in forever. i had just recently gotten out of my depression, and had changed my aim from angelnekekewey to recalledtolife87. i also changed my email and everything. i was happy. but now it's changed. i know nothing lasts forever, not even happiness, but damn! it was like, what, 2 weeks? at first it was just my friends, they seemed to be abandoning me, and i was crushed. well, today, one of my best friends accuses me of hating her, and i wasn't sure if she was kidding, but no matter how much i tried to convince her otherwise, she kept saying i hate her. and then today my parents get a letter from school, informing them i have missed five classes in two of my hours-a hour and 3rd hour. ok, ya, i've ditched a couple times in a hour, but i have NEVER ditched 3rd hour, and i have NOT ditched 5 times!!! they say if i miss more than nine, they'll have to flunk me! and then my parents send me on a total guilt trip. saying i'm better than that, and how could i consider doing such a thing. they think i'm some sort of perfect angel. i always have to be so fucking perfect. well i'm not. my grades are still top of the notch, i don't see why they are spazing out so much. i'm not gonna ditch again, but i feel so bad when i look at them right now. not to mention my dad caught me copying somebody's homework. he probably thinks i'm turning into some juvinile deliquent or something. i hate it all so much. i want it to end. i want to run away or do something. i need a new life. i don't want to end it or anything, just a new one. i want to move out of the state, change my name, and forget about all of this fucking shit. well, it doesn't matter cuz no one reads this anyways, and nothing will ever change for a while. i'm just gonna pray things get better. post comment

back to school... [23 Mar 2004|09:18pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Come Clean-Hilary Duff ] *sigh* school has finally come...i knew i couldn't stop it forever...oh well. yesterday (monday) was total utter complete crap! every single class felt like they were three hours long, each!! then when i got home, i slept for 4 hours, because i was exhausted and bored out of my mind. i woke up at 7. then at 9, my parents want me to go to bed. i got in trouble because i refused. there is absolutely no point in lying in bed when you know you are not gonna fall asleep til around midnight because you woke up two hours ago. by some stroke of luck, i didn't get grounded. did i mention i was grounded a total of three times during spring break? that is a record for me. oh well, i've been rather apathetic about it all lately, and for some reason that makes my parents madder at me. XP oh well. today....was another blah day. in other words, i was forced to go to school again. we lost our chances of a party in a hour, then i got in trouble for saying that that student who was late (and lost the party) shouldn't be part of the class anyways. people got mad at me. i need to learn when to keep my big mouth shut...*sigh* lol. well, when i got home, somehow i didn't fall asleep (though my eyes keep drooping shut as i type...u.u zzz *snaps awake* huh?...u.u zzz)but i did get to go shopping today!! *squeals* that's very important to me, because i have no money whatsoever, so my parents were buying clothes for me!!! i feel so spoiled! i got four new outfits, and they are awesome! =^_^= hehe, well, i don't feel like babbling, because i just hit my head rather hard on my desk. i didn't mean to, ok? i just...did. *cough* anyways, i'll write another day. Quote: "if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullsh*t." post comment

back again... [21 Mar 2004|03:24pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | chop suey-system of a down ] i found this really cool survey thing on my friends journal, so i decided to use it! ^_^ ( survey ) post comment

i think i'll try poetry... [21 Mar 2004|02:50pm] wow, i haven't written in a few days! lol. but that's okay, because no one reads this thing anyways. it's just here for me to ramble on to myself. lol. ok, i wrote my first poem ever!!! well, that i wasn't forced to write by my evil sadistic english teacher. it's kinda depressing and dark, cuz that's the mood i was in while i wrote it. but i wrote it by myself, so i'm still proud of it. i may change the ending later, when i can come up with a better one. i'll post it here for anyone who happens to stumble by it. _Troubled Soul_ Forever falling Endless oblivion Infinite depths of my darkened soul Silence resonates within my hollow walls My prison My realm My mind and soul Black consumes my every thought Struggling to be free Longing to delve deeper Torn in two directions Not knowing the right path to tread Light and dark Same as day and night Wanting to rule the mood Forced to live on the sun Wishing for lives of opposite worlds Destined to give up both Marking my own fate While knowing what I miss ~angel of darkness yea yea, i know, it's probably a bunch of crap, but it's my first try, so it's still special to me! i'm also thinking of writting a story, it'll kinda be an action/adventure/romance/angsty kinda story. i've already got a plot sorta devised, but it's probably crappy. i'm thinking of calling it forgotten tears. it would be cool, i think. it's a more realistic type story, which is a change seeing as how i'm usually into stuff that could never happen. but it's not anything that has happened, like a boring stupid historical fiction (like what i'm reading in english -_-;)so it's not too boring. i kinda based it on the plans for my own life after i graduate, so i think i'll have fun writing it. k, i'm gonna go now, so if anyone is out there, leave a comment or something!! lol. post comment

grounded... [14 Mar 2004|08:53pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | last resort by papa roach ] *sigh* wow, i manage one day of spring break, and somehow i manage to get grounded. and what did i do??? i was too loud during my sleepover, and didn't put away all of my dishes. apparently, this proves my 'lack of respect towards this family and household'. -_-* it was not my fault that i was giggling, and that i forgot to put away a couple of cups. *sigh* oh well. i talked my parents into letting my go to golfland on wednesday still, just without the sleep over. i'm not allowed to have any sleepovers for the rest of the month. apparently i have too many sleepovers at my house at it is. yeah right! i always go to my friends' house because my parents do not usually like sleepovers. well, whatever. i'm over it anyways. i got some practice driving in today down in phoenix. did you know that they have three street intersections there?? it was so hectic, my head felt like it was going to pop off from the chaos. but i went through it three times, and i survived. it's a good thing i went down there though, because i'll have to do it in rush hour for my safety driving school test...and i thought it was scary on a sunday morning. sheesh. so ya, i decided that when ever i write in this, i will either discuss some topic that is on my mind, or simply vent about my day because i have nothing that is animate to talk to. (meaning, talking to stanley my teddy bear does not count as venting in my opinion. it helps, but is not the same) i will talk tomorrow, because i do not feel like talking right now...hehe, i guess i really am lazy, huh? lol. i'm thinking of taking up writing. not in school, because i hate all english related classes, but for my own pleasure. i want to write stories. i think that would be fun. lol, i think i may be a.d.d. because i just said i was too lazy to write, and then started on a completely different subject! man, i can be out of it sometimes. alrighty, so til next time! Quote: "As I gazed up at the stars in my room last night, I thought where the h*ll's the ceiling?!" i don't know who wrote it, it was on the math board at school one day. i found it funny, but i have a weird sense of humor. =^_^= post comment

spring break begins... [13 Mar 2004|09:49pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | ddr music ] my first entry...so it begins...the recordings of my life....please do not be alarmed. i will tone down my insanity for the sake of my audience. lol. ^_^ today is saturday, the first day of the blessed, holy, and sacred SPRING BREAK!!! *angels appear in background singing hallelujah* my plans: hibernation! doens't it sound grand?! lol. my friend Lishie, who is my, uh, daughter in spirit, has come over to play the awesome game of ddr! i find it very entertaining to watch. and not because of her skill...*cough* *cough* J/K!!! i <3 you, Lishie!!! =^_^= earlier on today, after waking up at the blessed hour of 9:30 for the first time in a month, i watched the goofy movie. i recorded it last night, and i LOVE that movie!!!! it's right up there with hercules and lion king. so yeah, my 'daughter', Lishie, is spending the night tonight. i love staying up all night goofing around and talking about absolutely pointless things. i have also claimed that my teddy bear, Stanley, shall be my 'boyfriend' so that i will no longer have to admit to being single anymore. so now i have a majorly cuddly boyfriend who i can sleep with every night!! lol. pathetic, isn't it? oh well. i don't mind that much. i guess that's the pathetic part, eh? ^_^;;; i can't wait for Wednesday night. i will be going to golfland to play mini golf with friends and then we will have a ddr competition in the arcade! fun fun. then Lishie and my best friend will spend the night (again). lol. looks like i'll be taking a break from hibernation for that! ^___^ okay, i'll write back when i feel like talking again. if on the off chance anybody reads this, feel free to email me or aim me, kk? i'm always up for a chat, and i'm usually on the internet! Quote: "Only two things in life are definate: the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe." ~Albert Einstein (my favorite quote!!) post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]